Talent Show
by Watching Eternity
Summary: What happens when Bella makes everyone, and I do mean everyone, perform in a talent show to help bond? Yeah, hell. rated for future safety. R
1. The Curtain Rises

_**An idea I came up with a while ago. I totally scrapped the original one, it was BAD! Hope you like it. Pwale, deal.**_

"You're making us do_ WHAT?_"

The others were not taking this well. It had all started as a simple idea. A form of bonding between all the various mythological creatures and humans in the Forks region because of all the tension around here. I remember when I was little I always loved a short summer camp I would do before visiting Charlie. We used to do a thing called "Bunk Bonding" where we'd sit in a circle in our bunks and just talk, or complain, or play games. But my favorite thing would be when we, late at night, would have a Sing-Off.

What's a Sing-Off? Well that's basically the "American Idol" of camp, and is the same thing as a Talent Show. We'd have a few judges; usually the counselors and we would perform acts. Then the judges would judge us, and when they chose a winner the winner would get a special treat from the cafeteria the next morning. It was a lot of fun and I thought it would be a great idea to establish here in Forks. What better way to make everyone appreciate the others? Well I had gathered everyone here at the high school, the Pack, the Cullens, and a few of my friends from school. We were sitting in the auditorium; the principal had been kind enough to let me borrow it, and I told them what we were going to do. Notice I said "told". I gave them no room to maneuver, they _were_ going to do this and they _were _going to be happy.

"I am sick and tired of all the arguments and fights everybody gets into," I explained to them. "This was one of the greatest ways to get to know each other and have fun when I was in camp and I want you all to do it with me. I'm positive you will all enjoy it." I smiled imploringly at them, trying to get them to stop glaring at me. Edward stood next to me and I could tell that he also wanted them to stop glaring at me, even if it was for an entirely different reason.

"Don't let the name confuse you, you don't have to just sing! You could act, do a comedy routine, dance, acrobatics, read a poem or story, give a speech on a important topic, or just give a monologue about how when you were five your stuffed bunny, Bunny, magically flew out the window and got caught in your father's riding lawnmower's blade and was, therefore, hacked to pieces."

Jacob shot out of his seat screaming, 'BELLA! You promised you would never tell anyone!" Everyone burst out laughing. Quil tugged on Jake's sleeve and whispered loud enough that everyone heard, "Dude, she didn't squeal on you, you gave yourself away." Jake turned very red and sat down.

I smiled at Jake reassuringly as Carlisle raised his hand. I nodded for him to talk.

"When would this Talent Show be, Bella?" he asked politely. He does everything politely, if you've ever noticed. I smiled.

"That's a very good question, Carlisle. It starts as soon as we wrap this up."

A flurry of protests accompanied that. Rosalie was shouting something about how she wasn't dressed to perform, Quil didn't want to do this, Jessica needed to go shopping, Mike needed to get to work, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I waited until the protests died down before I started to talk again.

"I know you all have things you'd rather be doing, but if you don't do this for me I will personally make your lives living hell. I don't want any more fights between the groups, so if you are all done protesting I will give you the information."

No one said a word, at least, nothing I could hear anyways. I nodded to them.

"Good. Now for the judges I have picked three of the parents. The judges will be Billy, Charlie, and Esme. Mr. Bechtold has kindly agreed to run any lighting and music we may need. As for costumes we have both costume closets available to us, as long as we return them to the state they were in before we entered them." I looked around as everyone nodded, if a little wary.

"Now, the order in which we are going to perform is as follows. Carlisle, you are to be our first act. I hope you don't mind." He smiled and murmured something that sounded like "not at all."

"Quil, you will go next, then Jessica, then Emmett," I rambled down the list. I would be going second to last, before Edward and after Jacob. After I finished I waved for people to get ready.

This was going to be great.

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_**Mr. Bechtold is a teacher at my school. HE IS GREAT!!!**_

_**So did you like?  
**_


	2. Act 1: Carlisle

_**Hello, I don't know how regular I'm going to be on updates, but I'll try not to let a month or so go by without one, ok? Enjoy!**_

Everything was running smoothly as everyone ran around trying to get ready. After they had all resigned themselves to this I could catch a glimpse of a smile on most of them. They were going to have fun, I knew it.

I ducked into the women's costume closet. I needed to get ready for my act. I was going to sing the Anna Nalick song "Catalyst". It always struck something in me and I loved it. The closet was, frankly, a mess. There was little room and clothes had been strewn across the floor…was there even a floor under there?

I looked through the closet, looking for a dress to wear. I was dubious to step into the closet before I had to; I was likely to break an ankle. There were so many clothes to choose from; Cancan dresses, medieval gowns with flowing trains. Futuristic dresses with Jetson's-like skirts. Suddenly, my eyes caught on a scrap of blue.

There, in the back of the closet (of course), was a modern blue dress. It was very formfitting and a heartbreaking combination of sparkly light blue sheer top layer and midnight blue satin bottom layer. The bottom would probably go slightly past my knees in a flare. It was _perfect._

I tripped and climbed my way towards it. When I reached the dress I saw, to my great surprise and delight, a pair of shoes to match it. They were knee high boots, and though I was frightened over any form of heel, I fell in love with them instantly. They were just so pretty! I dragged them down and the dress off the rack and climbed out of the closet.

"Bella!" a voice called from the stage. I quickly hid my findings, wanting to at least _try _to surprise Edward. It was just Alice, though.

"Bella! Would you come help me with something? You can hide them in my bag right next to you, if you'd like." I smiled. Alice had seen me trying to surprise Edward ad had thoughtfully helped out. I quickly stuffed the dress and boots in her bag and walked towards the stage.

Climbing up, I saw that Alice had a bag of something and a almost feral grin on her face.

"I need you to go give these to Emmett, if you don't mind. Trust me, you don't want to look in it. Emmett's in the men's room, but if you knock on the door Jasper will take the bag for you." She handed me the bag and turned me in the direction of the men's room. I wisely did not look in the bag and passed it off to Jasper.

"Everyone almost ready?" I asked him as he took the bag gingerly, as if he_really_ didn't want to touch it.

"Almost, Emmett's being picky and trying to scare Mike. Carlisle's taking care of it and Sam's just finishing up. We'll be out in five minutes." I nodded and winced as a loud noise came from behind Jasper and prayed that Emmett didn't do anything permanent to Mike. I left without a word and went to go see how the girls were doing.

The moment I entered the girl's bathroom I was hit with a wall of heat. Jessica was blow drying her hair (she stuck it in the sink, I think, to get it wet) and Alice was putting the final touches on her lipstick.

"Are you all almost done? The boys say they'll be done in five minutes," I told them. Alice didn't look up as she answered, "We'll be ready. After intermission I'll do your makeup, ok Bella?" I didn't bother fighting, she'd do it anyway. I just nodded, and left.

Making my way to the stage I saw everyone who wasn't in the first half of the show sitting in the audience talking. There were too many of us to do it all at once, so there was going to be a fifteen minute intermission between Sam and Angela.

I walked over to judge's table to see if they were all set up. Esme had somehow changed into a white summer dress and put her hair up. Charlie was wearing his uniform (minus the hat), and Billy just sat there in his normal t-shirt and jeans. They had a small pad of paper in front of them and a glass of water. Billy and Charlie chattered away while Esme talked to Mr. Bechtold about lighting in restored houses.

I coughed to draw their attention. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we're starting in about eight minutes, if that's alright. Give people a bit of time to settle in," I said politely. Esme smiled at me and nodded. I smiled back and went to go sit next to Edward. He took my hand in his and smiled at me.

"You ready, love? Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves," he whispered to me. I smiled brightly.

"I'm a bit nervous, but this'll be fun! I haven't done this since I was little! By the way, no looking into Alice's head for what I'm doing. I want it to be a surprise, ok?" I told him as sternly as I could manage. He just chuckled and nodded.

"As you wish," he whispered, leaning in so that his lips gently brushed my cheek. I blushed furiously and laughed. _The Princess Bride _was one of my favorite movies and I had made him watch it. He had laughed uncontrollably at the hysterical lines of Wesley, Buttercup, Inigo, Fezzik, and Vissini. He had now taken to saying "As you wish" whenever I asked him to do things. I loved it, personally, and made me want to just make him do everything just to hear him say that.

The lights in the auditorium flashed on and off a few times and that was everyone's cue to sit down. I stood up and walked on stage. Everyone clapped, much to my consternation, and I stood awkwardly waiting for the clapping to die down. Mr. Bechtold quietly handed me a microphone and I nodded my thanks.

"Hey guys, thanks for getting ready so quickly. I hope you found what you needed and I hope you are ready for this; it's going to be a lot of fun! Hey, what's going on?" I asked as about 75 of the school filed into the auditorium and took seats. Alice walked up to the stage and I bent down to talk to her, turning the microphone off.

"Alice, what the hell is going on, if I may ask."

"Well, Bella," she said somewhat nervously, "Jessica and Rose wanted a larger audience so they called all of Jessica's friends and they called all of _their_ friends until basically the entire school decided to come."

I blinked and sighed.

"Well I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Let me go talk to the parents and tell them what's going on. Have Emmett help you get everyone seated as quick as you can and I'll be back in a moment," I said, standing up and walking to the judges table where the parents sat looking a little confused and worried about the sudden population increase in the auditorium.

"Hello, sorry about this, everyone. Rosalie and Jessica decided that they wanted to show off so they invited the entire town to come watch. I don't think this will change anything, just the embarrassment level of all the teenagers participating. Alice and Emmett are getting everyone settled and we'll begin in about three minutes," I explained. Charlie looked less worried and they all settled in for a few minutes. I walked back to the front of the stage and stood there waiting for the crowd to get settled in.

Finally my fellow students settled in and quieted down. I looked around before finally starting up again.

"Hello everyone. I'm not going to say I'm shocked to see you all here, but I'm glad you came!" A total lie. I was about to sing my favorite song of all time and the entire town was going to see my humiliation. Great.

"If you don't know what this is entirely about let me give you a short explanation. This is a talent show of sorts to help promote compassion and friendship between the different groups in Forks and the surrounding area. A select few people will be performing for you tonight and they will be judged by Billy Black of the reservation's council," Billy waved slightly too scattered applause, "Chief Charlie Swan of the Forks Police Department," Charlie just nodded, "And Mrs. Esme Cullen. The judges will vote upon a winner and he or she will win a two tickets to any show of their choosing in Seattle. Without further ado let me introduce our first act, and only adult, Dr. Carlisle Cullen!" I said and I walked offstage to sit next to Edward as Carlisle walked on.

I heard about half of the females in the room gasp when Carlisle made his entrance. I had to admit, I couldn't blame them. The doctor had managed to get his hands on a pair of dark black leggings and a crisp white poet's shirt. He looked as if he belonged in the Elizabethan era. Which, you know, he did…

He took the microphone up and looked around, he didn't look nervous at all.

"Hello everyone, I'm glad you could make it. I've been around for a while and decided I probably would try to restrict my own embarrassment to a minimum. So I would like to introduce you to a poem by a good friend of mine. I outlived him by a great time, but his words still mean a lot to me." His eyes held a mischievous twinkle and I smiled. Poetry was good and Carlisle read it very well. He looked over at Esme and began to speak.

"_When I do count the clock that tells the time,_" He started and I recognized the poem—sonnet—immediately. It was Sonnet 12 by Shakespeare!

"_And see the brave day sunk in hideous night;_

_When I behold the violet past prime,_

_And sable curls all silver'd o'er with white;_

_When lofty trees I see barren of leaves_

_Which erst from heat did canopy the herd,_" Carlisle walked around the stage, never taking his eyes off Esme. Esme looked like she was going to cry and my mouth was hanging open. This was _so_ much different than the other times I had heard Carlisle reading poetry. This time the air was filled with a longing and passion, utter love and devotion, that I couldn't keep a few tears from leaking down from my eyes. Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him and smiled.

"_And summer's green all girded up in sheaves_

_Borne on the bier with white and bristly beard,_

_Then of thy beauty do I question make,_

_That thou among the wastes of time must go,_

_Since sweets and beauties do themselves forsake_

_And die as fast as they see others grow;_

_And nothing 'gainst Time's scythe can make defence_

_Save breed, to brave him when he takes thee hence._"

Carlisle finished kneeling in front of Esme with a rose in hand. Where did he even _get_ a rose? Esme threw her arms around his neck and smiled. The audience erupted into tears as Esme wiped at her eyes and took the rose. Carlisle smiled and walked offstage.

Not a bad first act, if I said so myself.

_**So how'd you like it? My friend gave me the "this is by an old friend of mine" bit. Thanks shay!**_

_**Please review, I'll give you cookies. :D **_


	3. Act 2: Quil

_**I'm so sorry I took so long to update! I had this horrible writer's block of what for Quil to do! Now that Quil has an act he can perform! The song (Rant) is by Lazyboy and it's called "Underwear Goes Inside the Pants". I edited it a bit so that the not so appropriate parts didn't appear, but go listen to it! HI-LARIOUS!**_

_**Disclaimer: If I only had a year to live I would totally ask if I could own Twilight for a day. Sadly, or not so sadly, I ain't dyin' yet!**_

Quil was up next with an act Jacob had tried to warn me about

Quil was up next with an act Jacob had tried to warn me about. He had just said that it was "lame" and that I should probably ignore and feel pity for the pack for having to deal with these "lame" acts that Quil always does. Quil then proceeded to beat up Jacob and telling me that it would be great. I was slightly worried.

I sat in my seat talking to Edward as we waited for Quil to come onstage. He was trying to explain to me why Carlisle had said Shakespeare was a friend of his and I just couldn't grasp it.

"But Shakespeare's older than _dirt!_" I exclaimed. Before Edward could try and go on and explain that it didn't really matter a body plopped into the seat next to me. I looked over to see Carlisle, minus the Elizabethan costume, smiling.

"Well you see, Bella, I am also older than dirt," I blushed. I was glad he didn't seem to be insulted, "And Will was a good friend of mine. He was very proud and somewhat self important, but he was a good man all the same. Though, Anne definitely would have been happier with someone who wasn't so _flighty_." He whispered, careful of all the humans in the area. They would most definitely find this an odd conversation.

I smiled at Carlisle and looked up as Quil came out onto the stage. He was greeted with many wolf whistles—no pun intended—by the many girls in the audience. Quil just smiled somewhat ironically and bowed. Emily was sitting with a little Claire in her lap and that's all who Quil saw. I was happy that Quil had found someone so cute to love. Claire's small head was covered in the softest black hair I had ever seen, her eyes were a pure light honey brown color that would darken more with age. She was bouncing up and down in Emily's lap at the sight of Quil, her best friend. Quil waved to her and she giggled loudly. I smiled even more.

"What's up, Forks?" Quil called into the mic. We all shouted back. Edward just rolled his eyes a little; I guess he wasn't too excited. I could hear Jake and the pack loudly calling to Quil. Quil shoved a hand into his jean pocket. He looked like he could be in the military with his muscular build, sleeveless shirt and camouflage pants. He could blend into the woods around here with no problem.

"Well guys, I have to say that this probably isn't my favorite thing to do. I'm not the kinda guy who gets up and makes a complete and utter fool of himself," Quil explained. I frowned. This wasn't about making a fool of yourself, it was about learning about other people. Quil and Edward must have noticed my frown because Edward took my hand and Quil laughed.

"Don't you worry, I'll do this for you, _meimei,_" I laughed. It was an inside joke between the pack, Emily, and me. We had rented a movie called _Serenity_ to watch one time while I was spending a lot of time down their. Apparently Quil and Embry said I looked kind of like River and so they started calling me meimei, which is Chinese for "little sister".

"Ok, I've got nothing really to do. I'm not greatly theatric like our good old doctor," He nodded to Carlisle who smiled back. "Nor am I greatly musical, in fact, I'd probably rupture eardrums so I'll refrain from that. I'm just going to ask you one question. Why is marijuana not legal?" The auditorium went completely silent. Edward leaned in to whisper into my ear.

"Hold onto your seat, this is going to be funny," he quietly said. I nodded and watched Quil, who was now prowling around the stage.

"Why is marijuana not legal? It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt. You know what's not natural? You know what's _not_ natural? Eighty year old dudes with hardons, that's what not natural. But we got pills for that. We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect, but we're putting people behind bars for smoking something that grows in the dirt." Quil was on a roll, people were starting to laugh, including me. I looked up at Edward, he was just smiling. Emily had—wisely—covered little Claire's ears. This was _not_ for people under the age of thirteen, that was easy to tell.

"You know we have more prescription drugs now? Every commercial on TV's a prescription drug ad. I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases, like 'Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?' Oh my god, I have this, write this down, whatever it is I have it!" Quil ranted. I could not stop laughing. The Cullens were chuckling, but they refused to outright laugh. Yet.

"Half the time you don't even know what the commercial is! There's people running through fields, or flying kites, or swimming in the ocean. Like that is the greatest disease ever! How do you get that? That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy!" I could start to hear Emmett's rolling, booming laughter over the crowd. _Just what I want to hear_, I thought. If the Cullens could start to relate to the pack then maybe my idea would work after all…

"Mastermind's not a word that comes up a lot all the time. You keep hearing about these terrorist masterminds that are being killed over in the Middle East. Terrorist masterminds. Mastermind's a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?" The kids roared with laughter now. Quil stood up there smiling and enjoying himself. Edward had started to laugh hard now. Carlisle had been reduced to tears, well, dry tears since he couldn't actually cry. I could see Charlie laughing his butt off on stage and Esme was smiling. Billy was by far the loudest, though. Quil waited for people to quiet down a little before going on.

"They're not masterminds! _'Ok, you take bomb, right? And you put it in backpack, then you get on the bus and blow yourself up!'_" He did a great impression of the stereotypical terrorist. Normally I wouldn't find these kinds of jokes funny, but his _face_! It was just to great a combination to not laugh at.

"'_Why do I have to blow myself up? Why don't I put—' 'Who's the f-ing mastermind here, me our you?!'_

"Americans, let's face it, we've been a spoiled country for a long time. You know what the number one health risk in America is? Obesity, _Obesity!_ They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic, an _epidemic_, like its polio," Quil said, rolling his eyes. We could all tell very well that Quil did not himself suffer from this obesity epidemic. I could practically hear Edward roll his eyes. I felt bad for him, all the girls who were looking at Quil with undisguised longing must have been having the same thoughts.

"Like we'll be telling our grandkids about it one day. The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2008. _'How'd you get through it, Grandpa?'_ _'Oh it was horrible, Johnny, there was __**cheesecake**__ and __**pork chops**__ everywhere!'_ Nobody knows why we're getting fatter, look at our lifestyles! I'll sit at a drive-thru, I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up and making the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter. Everything's mega meals, supersized. Want biggie fries with that? Want a jumbo fry? Want a large? Want a biggie fry? Want thirty burgers for a nickel, you fat loser? There's room in the bag, take it! Want a fifty-five gallon drum of coke with that, it's only three more cents!" Charlie was practically rolling in his seat by now. I didn't know how much longer I could take this.

"Bella, breathe!" Edward laughed. My face was all red and I was gasping for breath.

"Quil needs to be a comedian, he can't waste his talent in this small town!" I yelled at Edward over the laughter. He nodded and pointed to Emmett. I looked to see a large thing rolling around in the aisle.

"Emmett wants to find Quil after all this and swap jokes." Edward told me. I smiled brightly, my plan _was _working! I looked back up on the stage where Quil was still prowling the stage.

"Sometimes you gotta suffer a little in your youth to motivate you to succeed later in life. You think if Bill Gates had got laid in high school, you think there'd be a Microsoft? Of _course_ not! You gotta spend a lot of time stuffed in your own locker with your underwear wedged up your ass before you start thinking _'I'm going to take over the world with computers! You'll see! I'll show them!'_" Edward laughed even harder, if that was possible, as Quil waved his arms around and pretended to laugh in a maniacal voice. Quil was at the top of my list to win this.

"And I must say that it has been a lot of fun talking to you all, but I need to leave you all burst a lung or something." Quil waved and walked offstage as everyone, and I mean _everyone_, stood up and gave him a standing ovation. I looked at Edward, smiled, and wrapped my arms around his waist. He slid an arm around my shoulder and kissed me on the top of my head.

"You know, Bella, this was a great idea."


	4. Act 3: Jessica

_**Oh god, I'm so sorry I haven't updated in the longest time! Life's really hectic right now and I probably won't be able to update for a bit. Enjoy!**_

You know, this was a great idea. I'm pretty glad I thought of it.

Edward was still chuckling from Quil's comedy bit and I was all smiles. I was glad that the Cullens were settling down into the idea. It defiantly was an ego boost, I'll admit. I looked over at Rosalie and the others who were sitting at in the back row. Alice was making funny faces and Emmett seemed to be competing with her on who could make their spouses laugh more. Emmett was winning.

"Bella?" I heard Carlisle ask. I looked over at him with a smile.

"Could you ask Miss Stanley to hurry up? Alice says that if she doesn't come onstage within the next five minutes things will deteriorate very fast." I looked at him wide eyed and nodded. Hurrying off to the bathroom I ran into Lauren. She looked at me somewhat mockingly and stalked away. I sent a somewhat hostile look at her back, I'll admit, and went into the bathroom. All my knowledge of Jessica could not have prepared me for what I saw.

"What the heck are you _wearing!_" I practically screamed. I guess I should have said "What the heck are you _not_ wearing," because the girl before me was indeed wearing virtually nothing. What looked like a white strapless bra hurriedly died a bright, almost eye blinding, neon pink with strands of red beads hanging from the bottom tickled along her ribcage. She was also wearing the shortest leather mini-skirt I had ever seen and six inch hooker shoes. She looked _horrible._ And that was just her clothes! She had a huge belly ring and hoops that made me wonder at why her earlobes were not ripping. She had heavy makeup on and looked as if she needed a cigarette.

"What?" Jessica asked at my staring. She spun around—how she managed that in those shoes I will never understand—and giggled inanely.

"Jessica, there is a baby in the audience, I _can not_ have you walk on that stage in _that_ getup. For heavens sake! My _father_ is a judge! You need to change." I demanded, my face flaming. It wasn't that Jessica didn't have a great body; she must put a couple hours a day on it, but this was entirely too inappropriate.

She just smiled brightly at me. "No can do, Bella. I have no change of clothes and I'm late onstage." Carlisle had said if she didn't come on stage in the next five minutes things would deteriorate. I was pretty sure they'd deteriorate if she went on like _this_. But I didn't have any choice. I just opened the door and ushered her out. I then ran to my seat, only managing to trip once.

"It won't be as bad for you as you think," Edward whispered into my ear as I hid my beet red face in his chest. I just shook my head and waited for the gasps to echo around the room. A minute later the room burst into whispers as the _click, click_ of Jessica's heels made there way into what I knew was the middle of the stage.

"Hello everybody!" She said cheerfully into the mike. Did she really sound this _stupid_ all the time? I asked Edward, he only laughed as I finally risked taking my face away from his rock hard chest. Jessica was standing front and center, just like I had guessed. She was leaning forward slightly and seemed to be breathing a little heavier than usual. I could practically hear Edward rolling his eyes next to me. I wasn't impressed with Jessica's overdone antics, but I could probably bet that Mike was salivating behind me in the audience somewhere.

"I am so happy to be doing this for you guys, and I just want to say thanks to everyone who made this possible!" She giggled, but somewhere in the background I could hear a guy yell "Get on with it, sugar tits!" Quite obviously Jessica heard him to because she got a pouty look on her face.

"Well you don't have to be so rude," She glared into the crowd that she couldn't see due to the lights. "So the song I chose to sing for you _lovely_ people today is one of my personal favorites, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!" She unhooked the mike from the stand and walked to the back, turning around.

"_Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah."_ she sang as a pop beat filled the room. It was a pop beat that had filled the Phoenix elementary school I had attended as a kid. It was a song I dreaded.

"Edward, please tell me that Jessica isn't singing 'Oops! I Did It Again'; tell me that I've fallen asleep and having a terrible nightmare." I whispered to him. He just grimaced at me and shook his head.

"My god, we're all doomed. That's it, we're going to die. Tell Charlie he can have my computer, you can have my small music collection," I rambled until Edward put a finger on my lips. I instantly shut up. What was I talking about again?

"Bella, love, calm down. It'll be fine. Mike's song will get back at Jessica for this, if that makes you feel better. He's currently practicing it in his head so I can tell you, Jessica's going to have an interesting reaction to it." I guess I just nodded and went back to watching Jessica. The lady in question had turned around as was trying to be sexy and alluring, she just managed to look like a bad hooker that got hooked on something not so pretty.

"I think I did it again. I made you believe we're more than just friends. Oh baby, It might seem like a crush, but it doesn't mean that I'm serious 'cause to lose all my senses that is just so typically me. Oh baby, baby," She was stalking around the stage and managing to look like a cat trying to get rid of a _really_ big hairball. Just for the books, I hope you notice that I really don't like her.

"Oops!...I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game. Oh baby, baby, Oops!...You think I'm in love, that I'm sent from above. I'm not that innocent." She winked at Edward, since we were in the front row the lights didn't effectively hide us.

"You are a horrible, horrible person, Edward. Leading the poor girl on like that. I can't believe you," I whispered to him. He just chuckled and lightly patted my cheeks. I lightly smacked his shoulder.

You see my problem is this. I'm dreaming away, wishing that heroes, they truly exist," Was Jessica making out with the mike? Did she think it was Mike? I'm sorry to say I was feeling pretty bad for her by the second chorus.

"Oops!...I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game. Oh baby, baby, Oops!...You think I'm in love, that I'm sent from above. I'm not that innocent."

"Edward, I'm going to now hide my face and close my eyes. When I open them she will be offstage and in a nun's outfit. Full habit, hood and all. Do I make myself clear?" I demanded. She was killing me, _killing_ me.

"_Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah"_ She _  
_sang as Edward chuckled. I think he was enjoying my agony a little too much. I decided it was about time Edward got a taste of his own medicine. I took my hand out of his—a habit I had gotten into without even noticing it—and put it on the inside of his upper thigh. Light enough that he wouldn't think I was doing it on purpose, I started moving my thumb back and forth.

Almost immediately Edward started to fidget. He subtly tried to stop my movements by shifting his leg, putting his arm around my shoulder, _anything_ to get me to stop the small movement. I had learned this trick a while ago and clung to it with all my might. I had few defenses or attacks against Edward that could equal his mesmerizing gaze, I wasn't about to give up my only revenge.

Finally Edward gave up.

"Bella, stop that. You're supposed to be listening to Jessica, not _playing_ with me," He whispered, playful himself. He took my hand off his leg and diverted my attention back to the stage.

"I'm not that innocent!" Jessica was finally and irrevocably _done!_ She had finished her scary dance with a hip thrust sideways, which did little to improve her overall hooker character choice. A wild cheer went up from some men in the crowd, but the rest looked on in shocked silence. How could anyone actually act like _that_?

Jessica smiled and walked off the stage with an outrageously exaggerated swing to her hips. Most of the audience—and the judges—gave a collective sigh of relief.

"Oh for heaven's sake, thank god that's over!


	5. Author's Note

_Sorry for the lack of updates, guys. I've been super busy and I'm now at camp. All my notes are at home so this story is gonna be on hiatus until around the end of August. After that I'll try to update a little more regularly. Sorry, you're totally allowed to throw watermelons and crap at my head._

_Sorry,_

_Watching Eternity._


End file.
